A Confession for 2013

Happy 2013, homies.

It's great to be here.

I have a wonderful job working with one of my best friends at Better Life Bags {which still allows me to stay home with my precious 19-month-old boy}.
Hubby is tearing it up in the science classroom.
We are breathing and healthy. It's great to be here. 2013. Wow.

But I am still not satisfied. I'm not sure if that's okay. If that's just how it is. Here on Earth, we live not satisfied.

Regardless, I have to press in, to press hard in to see if there's a way that I can be totally satisfied.

I have experienced God in my lifetime. Countless times. I have heard His voice. I have seen His protection. I have prayed with instantaneous results. He is here. With me. Close.

I know it. I know that He is, and yet He can sometimes feel so far away. I sometimes feel like I couldn't get next to God if I tried. {Lie alert.}

I am kind of new to Blog Land, but I've been watching all the mega-bloggers write posts declaring their word for 2013. They choose a word and it's sort of their theme for the year. The word they keep coming back to. The word that they're fighting to find evidence of in their lives all year long.

My word comes on the coattails of a confession. A difficult confession. But I am all about being honest on this little blog, so here goes.

I don't have a quiet time.

Did you hear me? In case not, I will say it again.

I don't read my Bible and pray everyday. 

I used to. I used to really look forward to my time with God. I used to crave it. Spending time with God was like putting underwear on. {Bad analogy? Sorry.} If I didn't do it my day was just off, and everything just felt weird.

I would move all sorts of things around in order to get time & space with God. It was important.

It still is important. It's just that I have this little boy. And I have this little house that I keep. And I know that may not seem like that big of a deal to some people. {Some people think, what does a SAHMama do all day anyway?} But it is a big deal. My son nurses approximately 20 times a day. [I'm not kidding. Yes, he is 19 months old, and YES, I am ok with this.] He is big. It takes a lot of strength to hold him while I'm nursing. My son also rarely takes naps. These may sound like excuses or blame-it-all-on-Johns. They're not. I just like to paint a real picture for people of what motherhood is about. It's sacrifice. It's work. It's wonderful.

But there are many days when my spiritual life consists of, "Thank you Jesus," when John narrowly misses an injury of some sort, and "Protect us, Father," when we're out & about or when I'm going to sleep. It is so hard for me to spend time with God in this season of life.

My word for 2013.

Intimacy.

Maybe a little bit of an awkward word when you think of all the implications, but I am referring {mostly} to intimacy in my relationship with my capital H-husband, Jesus.

This year I am choosing to daily fight (because that's what it will be: an uphill battle) to spend time with my Creator. I am choosing to hear His voice.

I am choosing this in the midst of chaos. In the midst of Elmo. In the midst of choo-choos. In the midst of nursing. I am choosing this in the midst of my life.

Oh, and it won't be quiet time. It will be intentional intimate time with my God {+6 days out of 7 LOUD}.

When I think about mine and my husband's relationship and how it's changed since John has been here, I laugh. I laugh because how silly I have been to not see that giving birth would change my relationship with my Father as well! He has not changed. He never changes. But, boy, have I!

Back to Josh and I. We have left John with a sitter to go out ONE TIME. In nineteen months - once. And that time we went with a large group of friends to a Lecrae concert. Holla! #Gravity

Anyway, Josh and I catch up & enjoy each other in the midst of it all. And we have had to get creative.

It will be no different in my relationship with God. Mama is getting creative. I can't wait to share with you my findings along the way.

In response to this blog, I hope my mama friends with do two things for me.

1. Get creative with your Creator. Carve out time & space to be intimate with Jesus this year because we could all use more of Him (John 3:30).
2. Give me some tips. What has worked for you in spending time with God? No shame in my game; I admit it - I need HELP!

And I believe that I will be fully satisfied. I believe it because ... "...this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent" (John 17:3) (emphasis mine).

Love y'all and thanks for reading!

Happy 2013. The year of intimacy.